Just a quick post tonight before I retire for the evening.
I saw Dr E on Monday for my first Botox treatment. Much to my surprise, my new insurance company approved my doctor's request for Botox on the first try, no appeals necessary. My last insurance company denied the Botox, which turned out to be a blessing in disguise since it helped me to realize my last doctor was a turkey, so I fired her.
The procedure itself really was not as bad as I thought it would be. I brought DBF with me for moral support. After talking to me a bit about Botox, Dr E gave me about 12 injections, in my forehead, brow, back of head, neck and shoulders. The injections burned, for sure, but the pain was nothing compared to the migraine I had while I was there.
He also gave me the go-ahead to discontinue the cursed Topamax. I felt it was only giving me side effects and no benefits, and he felt that since I was on such a low dose I could go ahead and stop it. So right now, the only preventives I'm taking are magnesium and vitamin B2 (riboflavin). Plus the Botox.
I should know in the next few days if it's going to work for me. The day after the procedure was wonderfully low-pain. Yesterday I overdid it and ended up with my pain at an 8 by the end of the day. Today is somewhere in between. I'm faithfully tracking everything in my migraine diary and trying to be patient.
Dr E wants me to call in in three weeks to let him know how I'm doing. By then we'll have a better idea of my frequency and severity, and can discuss a plan from there. I have a follow-up Botox appointment scheduled in three months, but he plans to do some phone consults with me before then, and have me come in sooner if I need to.
(Let me just say again, I am so happy I found this guy.)
So, I'm keeping my fingers firmly crossed that the Botox will help. I'm not expecting miracles, but I'm hoping it will reduce my pain enough to give other preventives a chance to start working. And maybe, just maybe, one day I'll be rid of this migraine.
Also, if you haven't seen it already, check out June's Migraine & Headache Blog Carnival, hosted by the Migraine Girl.
Be well,
MJ
Showing posts with label Topamax. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Topamax. Show all posts
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Sunday, June 8, 2008
grieving my past life
I'm going to say it right now: I resent migraine disease, and everything it has taken away from my life.
I graduated college two years ago, a carefree, optimistic, idealistic young woman, about to embark on a promising career in architecture. The economy at that time was much better than it is now, and the job market for new intern architects was excellent. I had my pick of where to work, so I chose a firm whose mission and vision seemed to echo my own goals. I packed up and moved clear across the country, taking a chance on a new life. What better time to do it?
My first neuro, who saw me all through college while I was on Topamax the first time, suggested I try titrating off to "see how I would do". The tapering schedule he gave me meant that I was finished with the Topa before I even got to the West Coast. Fitting, I thought. A new life, no longer a slave to the little Topa pill I hated so.
An immature view, I realize now. Now I know the necessity of good preventive medication. When I was in college, I knew nothing about chronic daily headache or about migraine disease. I just knew that my head hurt all the time, and taking 50 mg of Topa every day meant my head only bothered me about twice a semester, but it also meant I couldn't consume alcohol with the same carefree attitude of my friends.
But what I realize now, what I have realized over and over again in the two years since I came off the Topa, is that that stupid pill that I hated so much is what allowed me to finish college on time, with an honors diploma and double-minor. It gave me a life I wouldn't have had otherwise. There's no guarantee, of course, that staying on the Topa would have meant it would have kept working for me - and that's what I tell myself every day. Because now Topa doesn't do anything for me other than randomly give me new side effects and make me depressed if I take too much of it. I thought at one point that it may have been working, but I no longer have that delusion.
Within a month of titrating off the Topa, the ambiguous dizziness and nausea, that I now recognize as my primary symptoms of CDH, were back. I blamed this sickness on everything: homesickness, adjusting to my new life, allergies, an ongoing fight with my father. It took until December, six months later, to schedule an appointment with my PCP. She treated me for a sinus infection; those antibiotics did nothing, of course, to actually fix my head. By February 2007 I was referred to a neurologist.
Nine months I had already given to this disease, convincing myself it had to be something else. And during that time, I was trying to establish a new life for myself. The weak social ties I had started to forge over my first summer here had already fizzled out. I just didn't feel well enough to go out and drink on weekends. I didn't have enough energy to make plans with people, or join community groups. I did a brief stint, playing clarinet with a local university band, but after a year of that, I simply didn't have the energy anymore.
From February until now has been one preventive after another, in various combinations. Topamax, nortriptyline, cyproheptadine, verapamil, gabapentin, Topamax again. Meanwhile, my CDH and frequent migraines turned into weekly migraines, then daily migraines, and now an ongoing migraine since November that's only becoming harder and harder to treat.
It's not that I resent the time I've spent trying to treat my migraines. I understand the trial-and-error nature of migraine treatment. I resent everything I've had to give up.
I no longer can go shopping or run errands for the most part. Fluorescent lights are a huge trigger for me. Not only do they aggravate my migraine, but certain tints of fluorescents - the kind most retail stores use - trigger diarrhea within 15 minutes of going into a store. Not so conducive to shopping.
I no longer go to see movies in the movie theatre. Seeing movies, especially action movies, in the theatre is both one of my favorite pastimes and biggest triggers. Seeing Pirates 3 triggered one of the first acephalgic migraines that I identified as such.
I no longer drive, except on very rare occasions when I absolutely can't avoid it. I don't feel safe on the road, since I know my concentration is impacted from this ongoing migraine.
I no longer drink. Alcohol seems to be a stackable trigger. It interacts with almost every medication I take anyway.
I no longer eat gluten, dairy, caffeine, MSG, preservatives, artificial sweeteners, high fructose corn syrup, and have severely reduced my sugar and salt intake. MSG and artificial sweeteners are confirmed migraine triggers. The rest do bad things to my digestion so I've cut them out.
I hardly ever eat out, because of my strict diet and because I hardly ever feel up to it.
I no longer do my computer-based design work. Computer screens are a migraine trigger. Working in front of a computer at work is all I can tolerate most days.
I no longer use a desktop computer at home. This doesn't sound like it would be a big deal, but my desktop is much more suited to do most design work. Since I can't do it anyway, DBF and I decided to buy a new laptop for me to use in the living room.
I no longer go to the library. This one makes me very upset. But our gorgeous library has fluorescent lighting, so I can only stop by long enough to pick up books I have on hold. No more Saturday afternoons spent reading there.
I have almost no social life to speak of. Since my migraines have gotten progressively worse as I've tried to start a new life here, it's been hard to form new social ties. DBF and I are going to make more of an effort to have people over this summer, but we'll see if that actually pans out.
But most of all, I no longer just "do" things without considering their consequences. A coworker invites me out to lunch; is there something at the restaurant I can eat? What kind of lighting does the restaurant have? I have to buy a new pair of jeans; do I order them online and risk them not fitting or do I try to buy them in a store and risk fluorescent lighting? We're out of cat food; I have to ask DBF to go buy some - I can't drive to the store and I can't go in there once I've gotten there.
There is a lot about my life that is positive. DBF, for one. A girl could not ask for a more supportive boyfriend. Without him, there is no doubt I wouldn't have been able to make it this far. I would have already had to move back to the East Coast to ask my family for help.
My job, for another. It's been a huge struggle to keep a full-time schedule with my health in such bad shape, but my job has excellent health insurance and benefits, not to mention is a great way to start my career. My firm and my boss have been pretty understanding of my situation and have given me a lot of leeway.
And of course, there's my family. My mom and sister are both migraineurs, and while their migraines have never been as severe as mine, they understand my pain.
Last but not least is my doctor. Without a good doctor I surely would have lost hope by now. I've just started seeing him, but I feel more confident he can help me than the last doc I saw.
It is just so hard to nurture hope in the face of so much failure. Five preventives I've trialed; all have failed. While there are many more to try, it takes a lot of courage to keep trying. And while I've been trying, my migraines have only gotten worse.
And more and more, I find it hard to suppress the question in the back of my mind: what if this migraine never breaks? What if I am always stuck with this pain?
Today I don't have any answers, or any insight to wrap this post up with. So I'll leave you, instead, with a quote from a book I recently finished:
Be well,
MJ
I graduated college two years ago, a carefree, optimistic, idealistic young woman, about to embark on a promising career in architecture. The economy at that time was much better than it is now, and the job market for new intern architects was excellent. I had my pick of where to work, so I chose a firm whose mission and vision seemed to echo my own goals. I packed up and moved clear across the country, taking a chance on a new life. What better time to do it?
My first neuro, who saw me all through college while I was on Topamax the first time, suggested I try titrating off to "see how I would do". The tapering schedule he gave me meant that I was finished with the Topa before I even got to the West Coast. Fitting, I thought. A new life, no longer a slave to the little Topa pill I hated so.
An immature view, I realize now. Now I know the necessity of good preventive medication. When I was in college, I knew nothing about chronic daily headache or about migraine disease. I just knew that my head hurt all the time, and taking 50 mg of Topa every day meant my head only bothered me about twice a semester, but it also meant I couldn't consume alcohol with the same carefree attitude of my friends.
But what I realize now, what I have realized over and over again in the two years since I came off the Topa, is that that stupid pill that I hated so much is what allowed me to finish college on time, with an honors diploma and double-minor. It gave me a life I wouldn't have had otherwise. There's no guarantee, of course, that staying on the Topa would have meant it would have kept working for me - and that's what I tell myself every day. Because now Topa doesn't do anything for me other than randomly give me new side effects and make me depressed if I take too much of it. I thought at one point that it may have been working, but I no longer have that delusion.
Within a month of titrating off the Topa, the ambiguous dizziness and nausea, that I now recognize as my primary symptoms of CDH, were back. I blamed this sickness on everything: homesickness, adjusting to my new life, allergies, an ongoing fight with my father. It took until December, six months later, to schedule an appointment with my PCP. She treated me for a sinus infection; those antibiotics did nothing, of course, to actually fix my head. By February 2007 I was referred to a neurologist.
Nine months I had already given to this disease, convincing myself it had to be something else. And during that time, I was trying to establish a new life for myself. The weak social ties I had started to forge over my first summer here had already fizzled out. I just didn't feel well enough to go out and drink on weekends. I didn't have enough energy to make plans with people, or join community groups. I did a brief stint, playing clarinet with a local university band, but after a year of that, I simply didn't have the energy anymore.
From February until now has been one preventive after another, in various combinations. Topamax, nortriptyline, cyproheptadine, verapamil, gabapentin, Topamax again. Meanwhile, my CDH and frequent migraines turned into weekly migraines, then daily migraines, and now an ongoing migraine since November that's only becoming harder and harder to treat.
It's not that I resent the time I've spent trying to treat my migraines. I understand the trial-and-error nature of migraine treatment. I resent everything I've had to give up.
I no longer can go shopping or run errands for the most part. Fluorescent lights are a huge trigger for me. Not only do they aggravate my migraine, but certain tints of fluorescents - the kind most retail stores use - trigger diarrhea within 15 minutes of going into a store. Not so conducive to shopping.
I no longer go to see movies in the movie theatre. Seeing movies, especially action movies, in the theatre is both one of my favorite pastimes and biggest triggers. Seeing Pirates 3 triggered one of the first acephalgic migraines that I identified as such.
I no longer drive, except on very rare occasions when I absolutely can't avoid it. I don't feel safe on the road, since I know my concentration is impacted from this ongoing migraine.
I no longer drink. Alcohol seems to be a stackable trigger. It interacts with almost every medication I take anyway.
I no longer eat gluten, dairy, caffeine, MSG, preservatives, artificial sweeteners, high fructose corn syrup, and have severely reduced my sugar and salt intake. MSG and artificial sweeteners are confirmed migraine triggers. The rest do bad things to my digestion so I've cut them out.
I hardly ever eat out, because of my strict diet and because I hardly ever feel up to it.
I no longer do my computer-based design work. Computer screens are a migraine trigger. Working in front of a computer at work is all I can tolerate most days.
I no longer use a desktop computer at home. This doesn't sound like it would be a big deal, but my desktop is much more suited to do most design work. Since I can't do it anyway, DBF and I decided to buy a new laptop for me to use in the living room.
I no longer go to the library. This one makes me very upset. But our gorgeous library has fluorescent lighting, so I can only stop by long enough to pick up books I have on hold. No more Saturday afternoons spent reading there.
I have almost no social life to speak of. Since my migraines have gotten progressively worse as I've tried to start a new life here, it's been hard to form new social ties. DBF and I are going to make more of an effort to have people over this summer, but we'll see if that actually pans out.
But most of all, I no longer just "do" things without considering their consequences. A coworker invites me out to lunch; is there something at the restaurant I can eat? What kind of lighting does the restaurant have? I have to buy a new pair of jeans; do I order them online and risk them not fitting or do I try to buy them in a store and risk fluorescent lighting? We're out of cat food; I have to ask DBF to go buy some - I can't drive to the store and I can't go in there once I've gotten there.
There is a lot about my life that is positive. DBF, for one. A girl could not ask for a more supportive boyfriend. Without him, there is no doubt I wouldn't have been able to make it this far. I would have already had to move back to the East Coast to ask my family for help.
My job, for another. It's been a huge struggle to keep a full-time schedule with my health in such bad shape, but my job has excellent health insurance and benefits, not to mention is a great way to start my career. My firm and my boss have been pretty understanding of my situation and have given me a lot of leeway.
And of course, there's my family. My mom and sister are both migraineurs, and while their migraines have never been as severe as mine, they understand my pain.
Last but not least is my doctor. Without a good doctor I surely would have lost hope by now. I've just started seeing him, but I feel more confident he can help me than the last doc I saw.
It is just so hard to nurture hope in the face of so much failure. Five preventives I've trialed; all have failed. While there are many more to try, it takes a lot of courage to keep trying. And while I've been trying, my migraines have only gotten worse.
And more and more, I find it hard to suppress the question in the back of my mind: what if this migraine never breaks? What if I am always stuck with this pain?
Today I don't have any answers, or any insight to wrap this post up with. So I'll leave you, instead, with a quote from a book I recently finished:
"What will you do, if it does not turn out how you expect?"
"I do not know. Nor shall I worry about it until it happens. I still have an action left to take; until I have exhausted it, I shall not despair." - Robin Hobb, Assassin's Quest
Be well,
MJ
Friday, June 6, 2008
the irony of National Headache Awareness Week
It's ironic that National Headache Awareness Week would be a bad head week for me, but so it goes. Had I been feeling better, I could have publicized it at the beginning of the week, and perhaps even watched the new NHF youtube channel videos.
Instead, I've spent the week absolutely miserable, with severe head pain and the whole list of my typical migraine symptoms: vertigo, nausea, stomach pain, diarrhea, phonophobia, photophobia, cutaneous allodynia, sensitivity to smell, depression, difficulty concentrating.
Part of the problem is that I finished a 10-day course of prednisone, which Dr E had prescribed for me in hopes of breaking my months-long migraine. I took a 5-day "burst" of the steroid, followed by a 5-day taper, and I had thought my body was dealing with the drug pretty well. I had some unpleasant side effects that were tolerable. But this week, after coming off of it, was terrible. I had horrid body aches and no energy, making me even more sympathetic to my fibro friends out there.
Oh yeah, and the prednisone didn't break my migraine. I did get five days of low pain, but as soon as I started tapering, my pain climbed right back to where it always is.
Add to that, I'm getting more side effects from the Topamax again, which I don't understand. I've been taking a 50 mg dose - a low dose, even for a migraineur - since March. Suddenly, I'm having stomach pains, worse nausea, tremors and dizziness again. And a new one: muscle spasms. My body is acting like I just started taking the Topa, even though I've been on it for several months now.
Luckily, I will be seeing Dr E on Monday. I'm scheduled for my first Botox treatment. I didn't get a phone call from his office today, so presumably my insurance has approved the treatment. (I will be calling first thing on Monday to double-check.) When I see him, I will let him know the trouble I've been having this week, and ask him about the reappearance of the Topa side effects.
So, in honor of NHAW, I've been more aware than ever of the impact migraine disease has on my life. All week I struggled to get through work, and couldn't in fact work a full 8-hour day any day this week. Today I called out; even though my head pain wasn't as bad as it had been earlier in the week, my stomach was in bad shape and I had severe menstrual cramps to boot. And I was just plain tired.
I plan to spend the weekend recuperating - just like I do every weekend. But after such a bad head week, it's even more important to refocus on my body's needs and take care of myself. Everything else will have to wait. Including those youtube videos.
Be well,
MJ
Instead, I've spent the week absolutely miserable, with severe head pain and the whole list of my typical migraine symptoms: vertigo, nausea, stomach pain, diarrhea, phonophobia, photophobia, cutaneous allodynia, sensitivity to smell, depression, difficulty concentrating.
Part of the problem is that I finished a 10-day course of prednisone, which Dr E had prescribed for me in hopes of breaking my months-long migraine. I took a 5-day "burst" of the steroid, followed by a 5-day taper, and I had thought my body was dealing with the drug pretty well. I had some unpleasant side effects that were tolerable. But this week, after coming off of it, was terrible. I had horrid body aches and no energy, making me even more sympathetic to my fibro friends out there.
Oh yeah, and the prednisone didn't break my migraine. I did get five days of low pain, but as soon as I started tapering, my pain climbed right back to where it always is.
Add to that, I'm getting more side effects from the Topamax again, which I don't understand. I've been taking a 50 mg dose - a low dose, even for a migraineur - since March. Suddenly, I'm having stomach pains, worse nausea, tremors and dizziness again. And a new one: muscle spasms. My body is acting like I just started taking the Topa, even though I've been on it for several months now.
Luckily, I will be seeing Dr E on Monday. I'm scheduled for my first Botox treatment. I didn't get a phone call from his office today, so presumably my insurance has approved the treatment. (I will be calling first thing on Monday to double-check.) When I see him, I will let him know the trouble I've been having this week, and ask him about the reappearance of the Topa side effects.
So, in honor of NHAW, I've been more aware than ever of the impact migraine disease has on my life. All week I struggled to get through work, and couldn't in fact work a full 8-hour day any day this week. Today I called out; even though my head pain wasn't as bad as it had been earlier in the week, my stomach was in bad shape and I had severe menstrual cramps to boot. And I was just plain tired.
I plan to spend the weekend recuperating - just like I do every weekend. But after such a bad head week, it's even more important to refocus on my body's needs and take care of myself. Everything else will have to wait. Including those youtube videos.
Be well,
MJ
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
eye of the storm
Tonight marks one week since I reduced my dosage of Topamax to 50 mg from 75 mg. This past weekend I actually felt decent. Not "good", really, I never feel "good". But decent. I can live with that.
My moods have leveled out. The depression has lifted. It's not gone, and I don't expect it to be until my migraines are under better control. But I can live with this more mild depression, rather than the severe and suffocating version I had been feeling more often up until last week. Luckily the weird anxiety I had settled down after a few days. Some of the other side effects from the Topa are still sticking around, but I don't expect them to disappear magically.
The other good news is that my head pain has been noticeably better the past few days. Aside of yesterday, when it reached a 7 out of 10 - which was directly attributable to the hours I spent under buzzy fluorescent lights at two doctors' offices - my pain has largely stayed in the 4-6 range. It's normal for me to wake up with pain around a 4, which then progresses throughout the day, maxing out around a 6-7 and topping out at 8 or more about once a week or so. Last month I had a whole string of pain days that hit an 8 and I was miserable. Compared to that, I'm almost carefree.
I have to be very careful not to overdo it though, or I'll just end up doing my head in with some worse pain.
I'm wondering if the Topa might be kicking in a little bit. I don't want to jinx myself and end up with bad pain again, but I'm going to pursue this line of thinking for a minute. I've been taking the Topa since the end of February. I was on the 75 mg dose for six weeks before I had to cut it back. It can take up to three months for a preventive to start working. At this point, I don't think it's possible for a medication, any medication, to break this long migraine cycle I've been in since November. I do believe I need much more aggressive treatment, whether in the form of IVs or steroids or something else, before my pain will actually stop. But that doesn't mean the Topa might not reduce my pain some in the meantime. Hey, I'll take it.
I still plan to have a discussion with my new doctor about the Topa, and whether I should stay on it or not. The side effects I had at the higher dosages were really awful. Hopefully when I see the doc on May 21, I'll have a better idea of if my body can tolerate the lower dose of Topa and if it is doing anything for me.
It's also entirely possible this is just one of those "normal" cycles this migraine seems to go through, and in another week or so I'll be in absolute misery, curled up on my couch, whimpering. Hey, it's happened before. I'll hope for the best while I prepare for the worst - that's all we migraineurs can do sometimes.
Whatever the reason, I'm trying to enjoy this relative reduction in my pain without questioning the why. I've learned that the best thing I can do is keep good daily records of how I'm feeling, and do the interpretation with my doctor's help later.
For now, though, it's nice not to have an icepack tied to my head. I may have to get one out in another hour or so, but that's an hour later than I did last week.
My moods have leveled out. The depression has lifted. It's not gone, and I don't expect it to be until my migraines are under better control. But I can live with this more mild depression, rather than the severe and suffocating version I had been feeling more often up until last week. Luckily the weird anxiety I had settled down after a few days. Some of the other side effects from the Topa are still sticking around, but I don't expect them to disappear magically.
The other good news is that my head pain has been noticeably better the past few days. Aside of yesterday, when it reached a 7 out of 10 - which was directly attributable to the hours I spent under buzzy fluorescent lights at two doctors' offices - my pain has largely stayed in the 4-6 range. It's normal for me to wake up with pain around a 4, which then progresses throughout the day, maxing out around a 6-7 and topping out at 8 or more about once a week or so. Last month I had a whole string of pain days that hit an 8 and I was miserable. Compared to that, I'm almost carefree.
I have to be very careful not to overdo it though, or I'll just end up doing my head in with some worse pain.
I'm wondering if the Topa might be kicking in a little bit. I don't want to jinx myself and end up with bad pain again, but I'm going to pursue this line of thinking for a minute. I've been taking the Topa since the end of February. I was on the 75 mg dose for six weeks before I had to cut it back. It can take up to three months for a preventive to start working. At this point, I don't think it's possible for a medication, any medication, to break this long migraine cycle I've been in since November. I do believe I need much more aggressive treatment, whether in the form of IVs or steroids or something else, before my pain will actually stop. But that doesn't mean the Topa might not reduce my pain some in the meantime. Hey, I'll take it.
I still plan to have a discussion with my new doctor about the Topa, and whether I should stay on it or not. The side effects I had at the higher dosages were really awful. Hopefully when I see the doc on May 21, I'll have a better idea of if my body can tolerate the lower dose of Topa and if it is doing anything for me.
It's also entirely possible this is just one of those "normal" cycles this migraine seems to go through, and in another week or so I'll be in absolute misery, curled up on my couch, whimpering. Hey, it's happened before. I'll hope for the best while I prepare for the worst - that's all we migraineurs can do sometimes.
Whatever the reason, I'm trying to enjoy this relative reduction in my pain without questioning the why. I've learned that the best thing I can do is keep good daily records of how I'm feeling, and do the interpretation with my doctor's help later.
For now, though, it's nice not to have an icepack tied to my head. I may have to get one out in another hour or so, but that's an hour later than I did last week.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
my torrid love affair with Topamax
I'm currently on my third trial of Topamax, one of only four medications that has been approved by the FDA for use as a migraine preventive medication. I have taken Topamax twice before. The first time was for two and a half years in college, which was a great success, and in fact is the reason I was able to finish college on time. The Topa got rid of my chronic daily headache within a week of me starting the 25 mg dose, and when I increased to the 50 mg dose I only had one or two migraines a semester. The difference in my quality of life was amazing. After I graduated, my neuro at the time suggested I titrate off of it to see how I would do.
I didn't do very well, and I've been looking for a preventive regimen ever since.
Neuro #2 had me try Topa right off the bat. This trial (#2) was for two months in the beginning of 2007. I had a few days where it seemed the Topa might be working, but my CDH came back, and my neuro and I decided to discontinue it in favor of other drugs.
When I saw neuro #3 at the beginning of this year and she reviewed my history, she noted that I had only been on the Topa for about two months, which wasn't long enough for a fair trial. Preventives can take up to three months to start working. A long time to wait while you're in pain. At the time, I didn't know it could take that long so I didn't push the issue. Knowing more now, when neuro #3 suggested I give the Topa another trial, I was willing to do it, since I had such great success with it in college.
Well, I started the Topamax in February, and it's been a bit of a wild ride.
Neuro #3 had me on a pretty standard titration schedule - start with 25 mg, increase to 50 mg after the first week, then 75 mg after another two weeks. At 25 mg, I didn't notice many side effects. At 50 mg, I noticed some, but they were expected: taste changes, dry mouth, cognitive issues after a few weeks, lessened appetite. At 75 mg, new side effects cropped up that I never had had before: tingling, hair loss, tremors, nausea, stomach pains. Nothing intolerable. I stayed at this dose for about five weeks, as my migraine cycled worse and I generally felt unwell. The side effects seemed to level out, so I kept with the Topa.
After I fired neuro #3 and had a particularly bad week of pain, I called my PCP out of desperation. She suggested I increase my dose to 100 mg to see if that would make a difference before my appointment with neuro #4 next month. I decided to give that a try, but after a weekend of new and frightening migraine symptoms, I decreased the dose again to give my body a break. This was ten days ago.
Since then, I've been developing new side effects. The tremors and tingling that started at 100 mg haven't completely gone away. The nausea and lack of appetite have gotten worse. Still I stuck with it, hoping the side effects would ease, especially since the last few days have been relatively low-pain.
Except the last few days, I've started to wonder if the Topa is contributing to my moodiness and depression. Last night, when I had a weird and very out-of-character anxiety episode, I knew it was the Topa. So today I decreased my dose to 50 mg once again.
It's really amazing to me that a drug that my body once tolerated so well, and that was so successful for preventing my CDH and chronic migraines is now treating my body so poorly. Hopefully I'll feel better in a few days after the higher dosage is out of my system.
When I see neuro #4 in three weeks, I plan to tell him that I don't want to continue on the Topa (or the nortriptyline I'm also taking - but those side effects pale in comparison to the recent issues with the Topa). I hate giving up on a drug like this, but I can't put up with these side effects.
While I know that every medication that doesn't work is one step closer to finding one that will, it's hard not to feel at least a little bit like a failure when one doesn't work out - especially when it's such a spectacular failure.
I didn't do very well, and I've been looking for a preventive regimen ever since.
Neuro #2 had me try Topa right off the bat. This trial (#2) was for two months in the beginning of 2007. I had a few days where it seemed the Topa might be working, but my CDH came back, and my neuro and I decided to discontinue it in favor of other drugs.
When I saw neuro #3 at the beginning of this year and she reviewed my history, she noted that I had only been on the Topa for about two months, which wasn't long enough for a fair trial. Preventives can take up to three months to start working. A long time to wait while you're in pain. At the time, I didn't know it could take that long so I didn't push the issue. Knowing more now, when neuro #3 suggested I give the Topa another trial, I was willing to do it, since I had such great success with it in college.
Well, I started the Topamax in February, and it's been a bit of a wild ride.
Neuro #3 had me on a pretty standard titration schedule - start with 25 mg, increase to 50 mg after the first week, then 75 mg after another two weeks. At 25 mg, I didn't notice many side effects. At 50 mg, I noticed some, but they were expected: taste changes, dry mouth, cognitive issues after a few weeks, lessened appetite. At 75 mg, new side effects cropped up that I never had had before: tingling, hair loss, tremors, nausea, stomach pains. Nothing intolerable. I stayed at this dose for about five weeks, as my migraine cycled worse and I generally felt unwell. The side effects seemed to level out, so I kept with the Topa.
After I fired neuro #3 and had a particularly bad week of pain, I called my PCP out of desperation. She suggested I increase my dose to 100 mg to see if that would make a difference before my appointment with neuro #4 next month. I decided to give that a try, but after a weekend of new and frightening migraine symptoms, I decreased the dose again to give my body a break. This was ten days ago.
Since then, I've been developing new side effects. The tremors and tingling that started at 100 mg haven't completely gone away. The nausea and lack of appetite have gotten worse. Still I stuck with it, hoping the side effects would ease, especially since the last few days have been relatively low-pain.
Except the last few days, I've started to wonder if the Topa is contributing to my moodiness and depression. Last night, when I had a weird and very out-of-character anxiety episode, I knew it was the Topa. So today I decreased my dose to 50 mg once again.
It's really amazing to me that a drug that my body once tolerated so well, and that was so successful for preventing my CDH and chronic migraines is now treating my body so poorly. Hopefully I'll feel better in a few days after the higher dosage is out of my system.
When I see neuro #4 in three weeks, I plan to tell him that I don't want to continue on the Topa (or the nortriptyline I'm also taking - but those side effects pale in comparison to the recent issues with the Topa). I hate giving up on a drug like this, but I can't put up with these side effects.
While I know that every medication that doesn't work is one step closer to finding one that will, it's hard not to feel at least a little bit like a failure when one doesn't work out - especially when it's such a spectacular failure.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
terminology
The end of last year, when I was still seeing neurologist #2, I remember questioning the need for an accurate diagnosis. After all, chronic head pain is chronic head pain, and I need to find an effective preventive regimen regardless of what kind it is. It was about this time I began to wonder if I needed to consult with an actual headache specialist - someone who dedicated their practice to the study and treatment of headache and migraine - rather than just a neurologist. Since neuro #2 began to run out of ideas, I decided a fresh pair of eyes on my case wouldn't hurt, and I asked for a referral to a specialist, AKA neuro #3.
I was fortunate (I thought) to get in with neuro #3 in about two weeks. She was just coming back early from maternity leave since the other neurologist in her practice was leaving, and had not scheduled any patients yet, so I was at the top of the list. So I had virtually first pick of appointments and was able to schedule fairly quickly. The first appointment went well, and after looking at the list of five preventives I had trialed and failed, she wanted to try me on Botox, her main interest and area of research. If that didn't work out, we would retry me on Topamax, since I hadn't given it enough of a trial the year before.
After two months of waiting around, my insurance rejected the pre-authorization claim for Botox, labeling it "experimental". After a number of phone calls, she had finally agreed to write me a script for the Topamax, and once the insurance rejected the Botox I scheduled another appointment with her to discuss my options.
I had this appointment with her about a month ago. I went in well-prepared with a list of questions, and brought DBF with me in case he had any questions. For some reason, this appointment didn't seem to go as well as the first. Neuro #3 went over all my questions with me, but was completely unwilling to even discuss the possibility of rescue meds - saying simply that "they don't work" - and didn't want to discuss any treatment options for my daily migraine pain. When I asked her the difference between chronic daily headache and transformed migraine, she said they were different terms for the same diagnosis, and implied that my ongoing migraine is simply a headache - an implication I did not pick up on right away.
After the appointment, I had a weird sense of hopelessness I couldn't immediately pin down. The following week, my daily pain spiked again, so I decided to call in to try for an IV treatment, which neuro #3 had reluctantly offered to me as an option when I questioned her about it, with the caveat that it wouldn't do much for my "regular daily pain". It took me five days to get in for this treatment because of her irregular schedule: she typically only works three days a week. This scheduling mess, coupled with the feeling I couldn't shake that she had given up on me when the Botox was denied, finally pushed me to fire her. (My mom later pointed out to me that since I couldn't do the Botox, my doc had demoted me to her B-list of patients.)
Fast-forward to this past weekend, with all these strange symptoms I've been having. I called into the nurse's line early Monday morning to leave a message about the new symptoms that cropped up over the weekend. I got a call back - which I missed, of course, so the nurse left a message - saying that they would pass the message along to my doc on Tuesday when she was back in the office.
Tuesday (yesterday) afternoon, I finally got another call back - which I missed again, because they only ever call when I'm in a meeting at work - with a message from a different nurse. Neuro #3 said the symptoms were probably not from the latest IV treatment, and "may be" related to the "headache". If I still had some concerns, I could schedule an appointment with her nurse practitioner, and here is her phone number. Click.
Are you kidding me??
This short message confirms my instincts in firing this doctor's sorry butt were correct. She will not even call this migraine a migraine, only a headache. But now it makes more sense why she was so unwilling to offer any treatment for it, since she thinks it is only a headache, not worthy of any treatment.
So, it's on to neuro #4. I have an appointment scheduled with him on May 21, four weeks from today. I am much more encouraged by his office than by that of neuro #3. His staff is much more polite and helpful. I received my new patient information packet in the mail within a few days of my appointment being scheduled - rather than the day before my appointment - and the forms are much more detailed, including a depression screening form. I'm just very glad I didn't wait to move on to a new doctor and went with my instincts about neuro #3.
Now, I just need to get through the next few weeks.
I was fortunate (I thought) to get in with neuro #3 in about two weeks. She was just coming back early from maternity leave since the other neurologist in her practice was leaving, and had not scheduled any patients yet, so I was at the top of the list. So I had virtually first pick of appointments and was able to schedule fairly quickly. The first appointment went well, and after looking at the list of five preventives I had trialed and failed, she wanted to try me on Botox, her main interest and area of research. If that didn't work out, we would retry me on Topamax, since I hadn't given it enough of a trial the year before.
After two months of waiting around, my insurance rejected the pre-authorization claim for Botox, labeling it "experimental". After a number of phone calls, she had finally agreed to write me a script for the Topamax, and once the insurance rejected the Botox I scheduled another appointment with her to discuss my options.
I had this appointment with her about a month ago. I went in well-prepared with a list of questions, and brought DBF with me in case he had any questions. For some reason, this appointment didn't seem to go as well as the first. Neuro #3 went over all my questions with me, but was completely unwilling to even discuss the possibility of rescue meds - saying simply that "they don't work" - and didn't want to discuss any treatment options for my daily migraine pain. When I asked her the difference between chronic daily headache and transformed migraine, she said they were different terms for the same diagnosis, and implied that my ongoing migraine is simply a headache - an implication I did not pick up on right away.
After the appointment, I had a weird sense of hopelessness I couldn't immediately pin down. The following week, my daily pain spiked again, so I decided to call in to try for an IV treatment, which neuro #3 had reluctantly offered to me as an option when I questioned her about it, with the caveat that it wouldn't do much for my "regular daily pain". It took me five days to get in for this treatment because of her irregular schedule: she typically only works three days a week. This scheduling mess, coupled with the feeling I couldn't shake that she had given up on me when the Botox was denied, finally pushed me to fire her. (My mom later pointed out to me that since I couldn't do the Botox, my doc had demoted me to her B-list of patients.)
Fast-forward to this past weekend, with all these strange symptoms I've been having. I called into the nurse's line early Monday morning to leave a message about the new symptoms that cropped up over the weekend. I got a call back - which I missed, of course, so the nurse left a message - saying that they would pass the message along to my doc on Tuesday when she was back in the office.
Tuesday (yesterday) afternoon, I finally got another call back - which I missed again, because they only ever call when I'm in a meeting at work - with a message from a different nurse. Neuro #3 said the symptoms were probably not from the latest IV treatment, and "may be" related to the "headache". If I still had some concerns, I could schedule an appointment with her nurse practitioner, and here is her phone number. Click.
Are you kidding me??
This short message confirms my instincts in firing this doctor's sorry butt were correct. She will not even call this migraine a migraine, only a headache. But now it makes more sense why she was so unwilling to offer any treatment for it, since she thinks it is only a headache, not worthy of any treatment.
So, it's on to neuro #4. I have an appointment scheduled with him on May 21, four weeks from today. I am much more encouraged by his office than by that of neuro #3. His staff is much more polite and helpful. I received my new patient information packet in the mail within a few days of my appointment being scheduled - rather than the day before my appointment - and the forms are much more detailed, including a depression screening form. I'm just very glad I didn't wait to move on to a new doctor and went with my instincts about neuro #3.
Now, I just need to get through the next few weeks.
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